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Did this depress you in any way? |
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Total Votes : 6 |
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Post subject: Dang! You fell asleep AGAIN
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Two Non-blondes
J. Kyle, 08/08/03
"They say he grew the beard to look trustworthy," G said, as she fished through her teddy bear backpack.
"Guess his trust was only worth like five bucks," Liam sighed.
"Do you see anyone from our class?" G asked, ignoring his joke. She pulled a small purple brush with a turtle painted on it out of her bag.
"Naw. Who cares? This field trip was boring. This whole city is boring. Least we can have fun on our own," Liam smiled as he drew closer.
G kept brushing her hair and looked at him plainly. They were a combined 32 years old, neither of them had any spending money left, and they were apparently stranded. She didn't share his enthusiasm.
"How can you call the memorial boring? He freed the slaves."
"G, I think the term you're looking for is 'he forced the slave owners to free THEIR slave'," Liam pulled Pop Rocks (that which he had spent his last dollar one) out of his pocket and tore open the packet.
"If this field trip is so uninteresting to you why not fail to turn in the slip? Just stay at school, or at home?"
"Well," Liam chewed and crackled, wishing he'd bought a soda so he could see if your stomach realy did explode, "You weren't going to be at school. And you're only at my house when my parents go to the opera."
"The only reason I go to your house is because I get seven dollars an hour to watch your siblings because your parents don't trust you to," G said through clenched teeth as she worked the brush through a knot in her sparkly blue hair.
"Not fair is it? A healthy relationship should be based on trust. I trust them to care for little bro and sis. And my trust is unrecquited. Very unhealthy. Ever shared Pop Rocks while kissing?"
G rolled her eyes. "How many times do you have to tell you you're too young for me before you get the message?"
Liam grinned and stuck out his tongue, the crystals popping. "How many times do I have to tell YOU you're wrong until we make out?"
"Well we're not going to be making out anytime soon... hey! There's Mr. Smith," G said as she floated back to their worried chaperone. The group had come back to fecth them.
The tour bus driver leaned impatiently against the bus outside. Liam guessed their tour company didn't pay overtime.
Smith shot a menacing look at Liam and ushered them outside onto the bus.
G sat in front with her friends who dismissed Liam when he waved to them on his way to the back to sit with his pal Anthony. Liam told him what happened.
"Friend zoned in the platonic desert? Ouch man," Anthony said. Liam shook his head as he opened Anthony's bag and pulled out a Dr. Pepper.
"I don't think there's anything to say ouch about," Liam replied.
"You set this up to get to kiss her. Not only did she not kiss you, she said you weren't EVER kissing her."
Liam laughed, "She said not anytime soon. Not never."
Liam's eyes darted to the front of the bus as he opened the can of soda. One of G's friends had whispered something while looking at him. G blushed and then playfully punched her friend before ducking into her seat.
Liam looked at Anthony and unrolled the open Pop Rocks package. He then poured the last half in his mouth before taking a big swig of Dr. Pepper.
It fizzed and crackled.
"Sometimes you just don't know. But it's sure fun to find out." _________________ JKyle.com (Because bad things happen to good people)
Cast in the Name of God
Ye Not Guilty |
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Sat Aug 09, 2003 2:30 am |
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nice story. I enjoyed that. _________________ FFXI: Heavens Redmage. Level 75
'Oh,' he said.
YES, said Death.
'Not even time to finish my cake?'
NO. THERE IS NO MORE TIME, EVEN FOR CAKE. FOR YOU THE CAKE IS OVER. YOU HAVE REACHED THE END OF CAKE.
T. Pratchett - Night Watch* |
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Sat Aug 09, 2003 9:58 am |
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I quite enjoyed it. You could stand to replace the word "said" a couple of times, and saying "Dr. Pepper" seemed awkward. I liked the story though. Regular fiction is hardest for me to write. I can do it, it just takes me four times as long. _________________ This space left intentionally blank.
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Sat Aug 09, 2003 12:16 pm |
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I'm no writer. so it might not mean much from me, but i liked it a lot. Kinda nice how the reader just gets thrown in there.
peace _________________ "one time yug!-Steve O Fuss
Y.U.G.
"If I threw a stick would you go away?"-a shirt
"Toonami, better than getting kicked in the nuts!"-me
"If I was so inclined, I would have groped you five times!"^O^hohohohoho!-Vash |
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Sat Aug 09, 2003 11:09 pm |
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You probably don't read very much if that's your compliment... A good story doesn't have to start with an introduction, and is always fun to start with dialogue. Sadly, this hasn't always been the case. Up to as late as fifty years agopeople were afraid to start a story without an opening monologue or narration. _________________ This space left intentionally blank.
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Sun Aug 10, 2003 12:58 pm |
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Is Dr.Pepper a real docter?
I'm not sure he is qualifed as a soft drink.
Nice Story _________________ -Ixidor |
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Wed Aug 13, 2003 9:00 pm |
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maybe its not a story and he just got rejected _________________ The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? |
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Mon Aug 18, 2003 10:17 pm |
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Ixidor wrote: |
Is Dr.Pepper a real docter?
I'm not sure he is qualifed as a soft drink.
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Do ents get morning wood? _________________ This space left intentionally blank.
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Thu Aug 21, 2003 12:25 pm |
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Haha, silly Doug . . .
Nice story. A lot more upbeat than your LAST one. Less cryptic, too, yet I still got lost a bit . . . hmm, no specific complaint, just a little unclear in places. Like why her name is G. That confused me. But I'm easily confused.
Either way, I liked it. _________________ anime is teh s uck
Play City of Heroes/Villians? Look me up, Pinnacle server, @C Paradox |
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Thu Aug 21, 2003 6:47 pm |
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dougisfunny wrote: |
maybe its not a story and he just got rejected :wink: |
Well I've never even BEEN to the east coast... and if you add my age to a girls to equal 32 you'd need 13. I'm not R. Kelly.
But it MAY (as in was) written as a message to a girl who said I was depressing. I promised to write something non-depressing and there it is. Did I fail?
Her name is G partly after G Chan, partly after G Gundam, and mostly because I didn't want to bother going over it again (that up there is a first draft, I used G as a place holder and it stuck)
Dr. Pepper is the most qualified soda medic ever. It's my favorite. Also, I haven't seen it spelled Doctor Pepper since the 80s so that's why it's abbreviated and maybe a bit awkward.
P.S. Slingshotting with dialogue has ALWAYS been my preferred method of kicking prose off. _________________ JKyle.com (Because bad things happen to good people)
Cast in the Name of God
Ye Not Guilty |
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Thu Aug 21, 2003 10:10 pm |
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Nope, not depressing. Because it's hopeful in the end. The kid takes a swig of Dr. Pepper while eating Pop Rocks and isn't sad in the least. He knows he's gonna win. I think she might know it too. It's a waiting game. Some more cards have to fall before the end result is reached.
I'm kinda going through the same thing right now. Sort of. It's wierd. Things keep going my way. I'm not used to it. I'm SO waiting for the other shoe to drop. _________________ anime is teh s uck
Play City of Heroes/Villians? Look me up, Pinnacle server, @C Paradox |
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Fri Aug 22, 2003 9:24 am |
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Not depressing, just like today's girls that b**** about everything and blame it on you. |
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Tue Sep 09, 2003 4:55 am |
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ToonamiL wrote: |
Not depressing, just like today's girls that b**** about everything and blame it on you. |
Sounds like someones a bit bitter. heh |
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Thu Sep 11, 2003 2:53 am |
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