List of Hentai Cliches

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

Edit log:
6/8/05 - Fixed a few typos, added what are now rules 35-38, did some formatting. Previous rule 35 moved to 39.
6/9/05 - Added rules 39-41, fixed date on previous entry. Previous rule 39 moved to 42.
6/9/05 - Added what is now rule 41, everything previously beyond that has been moved down one slot.
6/13/05 - Added a couple people to the special thanks list, added rules 42 and 43. The rest of course moved down appropriately.
6/20/05 - Added rules 46-50. Creditted new sources.
6/21/05 - Added parenthetical clause to rule 50.

Hey everyone, I'm working on a list of hentai cliches (similar to the grad list of RPG cliches or list of anime cliches) and I'd like some input and help. Here's my initial list. If anyone would like to contribute in any way to this list, go right ahead. This includes order, wording, or entirely new entries. I'm specifically looking for rules on lesbians and monsters.

1) Condoms don't exist. Ever. Anywhere. It doesn't matter if it's modern day Japan, or thousands of years in the future. No one has ever stopped to consider the most primitive form of barrier contraceptive.
2) Every girl in the universe is on birth control. This is why no one ever gets pregnant unless they want to, and why...
3) No woman ever gets too upset when she is raped. They'll just kind of shrug it off, consider it a sign of the times, or accept it as an occupational hazard. Almost never will the police ever get involved, even if the rape is publicly known.
4) Unless of course, they are a sex slave, at which point the entire hentai centers around a perverse world where an indebted or blackmailed woman is forced to have sex with at least three separate men an episode. These men will glandly have sex with the slave, despite knowing their sexual history. They have no fear of STDs because...
5) Sexually Transmitted Diseases don't exist in hentais. All viruses are carried by air or don't exist. Except of course when an ill person has sex with someone who isn't. Then the illness will always transfer to the previously healthy partner and the ill person will make a full recovery in less than a day.
6) It is required for every consenting woman in the universe to request for the man to 'come inside her,' and all nonconsenting women to ask against it.
7) It is illegal in many hentais for both partners not to orgasm at the exact same moment in time.
8) The only way any sort of financial debt is solved by becoming a sex slave for eternity.
9) If a girl is raped, she will never call the police, or even contact anyone outside of her immediate circle of friends. It's her business and her business alone.
10) Also in said situation, the hentai will start of rather tame, with a bit of light bondage and forced oral sex. By the third episode, the girl should have enough beatings that no man would ever hit that, and poop will have inexplicably shown up at least once, as well as water being pumped into someone's anus. Candle wax is also usually involved.
11) Japanese men have a domination fetish.
12) No Japanese women have a domination fetish, unless it's towards other women.
13) Japanese men have a High School girl fetish.
14) Japanese men have a Middle School girl fetish.
15) No male doctor will ever look out for the best interests of his patients. His single goal is to turn every nurse (and some times patient) under his charge into his personal sex slave. Hippocratic oath be damned.
16) If the main character is a male, he will have sex with at least five separate woman by the time the hentai is over. Unless of course it is a "true love hentai."
17) (true love hentai rule) If any male character falls in true love with any girl, he will immediately drop his entire sex life to sleep with exactly one more woman before he goes with the one to which his heart truly belongs. It doesn't matter, however, if he was the biggest playboy in hentai. This will bet at most her second lover (rape and sex slavery exempted).
18) (the obligatory cat girl rule) If you ever see a cat girl, she will be a main character, and she will have sex at least twice.
19) Any matter of chance or fate (or even whim) will be decided by a sex contest, no matter how inappropriate the circumstances. An entire army will camp out for the night while two generals try to make eachother orgasm first. Gods will cease fire, angels and demons will stop fighting eachother. Nintely percent of the time, all parties involved will forgive eachother, just because two people (or a small group) had sex.
20) There is always time for sex. The entire space-time continuum will shut down if need be, to accomidate a lovers' romance. It doesn't matter if there's a high speed chase going on, if people's lives are in danger, or even if a party is in direct combat. Everyone will drop what they're doing until an orgasm happens, even if it's against their best interest.
21) (Law of exaggeration) Everything is bigger in Texas. And Japan. And anywhere in the universe. Women's breast sizes at at least two cups bigger in hentai than the real world average, some laughably huge. A girl with 38Cs will blush when someone points out their (puny breasts). The same holds true for men. No penis is ever shorter than 8 inches, and a character will pull out a 10-incher to believe he is average sized. A small exception is made to this rule for children, who will still often have exaggerated sexual organs, simply to make it feel less like pedephilia.
22) (law of extra fluids) Also, all sexual fluids are multiplied by at least three. Characters will often expel more sexual fluids in a single orgasm than there are fluids in a normal human body.
23) (ideepthroat.com rule)Every woman wants to give head. Despite the fact that penises are monstrously huge, and probably won't fit into a girl's mouth, even if men have just put their penis in three different woman, any girl is willing to cram that sack of flesh and blood into her mouth, and will let him come in her mouth if asked. Even if she is being raped, she will likely not bite down, or even struggle.
24) Despite rule 23, no man ever gives oral sex for more than seven seconds.
25) Every girl in existence loves anal sex whether she realizes it or not.
26) Unless an animal is plot critical, or is only seen as atmopheric background, someone will at some point have sex with it.
27) Under any cases where an animal does have sex, the animal is rigorously attracted to humans, regardless of the fact that they are ridiculously out of their species
28) If a seemingly unimportant character is brought attention to at all in the anime, they will have sex at least once.
29) A teacher always cares less about his/her job than sex.
30) Loss of virginity is always accompanied by more loss of blood than the human body has. Despite this, and the massive amount of pain, every girl loves their first time and can't wait to do it again.
31) (first rule of dickgirls) When someone discovers that a girl they know has a penis and a vagina, it will take them a maximum of five seconds to get used to this idea.
32) (second rule of dickgirls) No dickgirls are sexually attracted to men. They could've been the straightest arrow before they picked up their companion, but as soon as they pick up a gender, it's women only.
33) (third rule of dickgirls) No dickgirl is simply a hermaphrodite. Magical powers, or at least high technology will be behind all artificial genitals.
34)If there isn't a sex scene in the first ten minutes of the first episode, don't expect more than two sex scenes an episode.
35) (first law of demons) No matter how many towns a hoard of demons might go through, they will never capture and rape/torture/kill any woman who is old enough to be a mother. All of theseyoung girls are busty and beautiful, despite being as young 14. If a girl has hit puberty, she is an easy target for demons.
36) (second law of demons) All tentacle beasts are evil. If they aren't, they will die by the end of the episode.
37) (third law of demons) No matter what kind of demon, it will have at least two penises.
38) (no fatties rule) No woman will ever weigh more than a hundred ten pounds plus the weight of her breasts. Ever. Special exceptions for giants and monsters.
39) Every woman keeps at least one strap-on dildo within their household no matter what their sexual orientation is.
40) Every male over the age of 23 keeps a vibrator of some kind on their posession at all times.
41) All foreign women are depicted as blonde and big-breasted. (Big-breasted relative to the other girls, this is hentai after all.)
42) School girls are often raped in large groups. It's just hotter that way.
43) Live action hentai is never the substitute for the real thing.
44) Yaoi outnumbers Yuri, despite the vastly greater demand for Yuri.
45) (The media destandardization act rule) You will never find a hentai in a standard Avi, MPEG, or .mov format. It will always be encoded in some obscure DivX (or XviD) codec, if not an ogm or mkv file. You will have to sift through the internet for hours finding the appropriate codecs/programs to view this hentai, simply because no one ever bothered to make a website on how the best ways to view hentai. This rule is fast becoming obsolete, as every thread on box torrents has at least one person linking to the VideoLan player. But the rule still gets its final revenge; the VideoLan player makes it harder to view the same few seconds over and over versus Windows Media Player.
46) Any fan of anime appearing in a hentai is usually a fat, sex-crazed Otaku,wWhich leads me to wonder why they would portray their audience so bruttaly true.
47) Whenever someone is saved from a Rape it is always after the act has taken place.
48) All shy girls Always end up in some kinky sexual predicament, or BSDM.
49) The answer to the question 'Are you legal?' is always yes.
50) The shorter the skirt, the higher the chance of tentacle rapege. (Or at least a trip on the subway.)

Special thanks to eyebrowsoffire, dougisfunny, FinalDevineDragoon, Zechs, Alshoff, ShikonNeko, Ixidor, and LittleLovelyGirl for helping with this list.
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KingSpanky · **KingSpanky**

Wow... you really need to get a job... or a woman...man?

counterparadox · **counterparadox**

Or not a woman, ever . . . dude, how much hentai do you have to watch to comprise a list like that-you know what? Nevermind. I don't want that answered. I simply do not want to know.
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anime is teh s uck

Play City of Heroes/Villians? Look me up, Pinnacle server, @C Paradox

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

A hundred megs or so in picutures, 10-15GB in video.
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counterparadox · **counterparadox**

0.o
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anime is teh s uck

Play City of Heroes/Villians? Look me up, Pinnacle server, @C Paradox

KingSpanky · **KingSpanky**

thats not much really. I used to have a cracked password for Worldwidehentai and full access to their video sections. Amazing the crap people actually pay for. Most of it was censored and i found better versions on bittorrent trackers.

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

Oh, I've seen about five times that amount. This is just what I have on my person at this very moment.
Frightening, ne?

Now if you would, add some input.
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AdmiralGreer · **AdmiralGreer**

FDD might be able to help you with the lesbian hentai.
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Ice cream has this erotic sense to it- kinda like the one choclate and strawberries have.
-Me

FinalDivineDragoon · **FinalDivineDragoon**

lesbian...hentai....oh come on you know 99% of the japanese population has love for one thing and nothing else....

god damn fucking yaoi....
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There is limited intelligence in the galaxy, but the stupidity of the universe is infinite.

Alshoff · **Alshoff**

I've seen some Hentai manga, doujin, a few video files, and have also played some of the games as well. The games seem to deviate from your list, though, so I've decided to comment on some items.

1.) I've seen condoms used in a Hentai game, if that counts. Three Sister's Story features them and it does have an affect on the game.
2.) I've seen games where the girl can become pregnant (The Maid's Story).
3.) In Three Sister's Story, there is a negative consequence for raping at least one character.
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Able and Baker is nice.

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

Alshoff, I too have seen some exceptions to these. But they are cliches, not hard rules. Hell, I think I've seen exception to every last one in video format alone.
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Alshoff · **Alshoff**

Okay, then how about this: "All foreign women are depicted as blonde and big-breasted. (Big-breasted relative to the other girls, this is hentai after all.)"
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Able and Baker is nice.

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

I like it.
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Alshoff · **Alshoff**

I think this is another: "Chicks with glasses are total BDSM freaks."
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Able and Baker is nice.

John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo · **John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo**

Bzzt. I don't see that enough to consider it a cliche. I've seen too high a percentage of women with glasses in hentai being perfectly normal sexually to include it. But it's still funny, just not a provable pattern in itself.
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