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  Toonami Infolink :: View topic - You have fallen asleep
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You have fallen asleep

 
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Pleasant Dreams?
HUH?
33%
 33%  [ 2 ]
Well that was crap
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
Eh, they were ok.
66%
 66%  [ 4 ]
Total Votes : 6

Author Message
JKyle

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Joined: Jan 21, 2003
Post subject: You have fallen asleep
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The walls were gray and dull, wallpapered with old newspaper clippings. There were comics, with predictable punchlines. There were sports stories, compiling endless lists of stats and the tales of men trying to best them. There were many things. Mostly though, there were obituaries. Young or old, good or evil, black or white, in the end this device often plays equalizer, giving but one paragraph to most. One paragraph to summarize a lifetime.

The boy stared at the walls and the dead they contained until Grimn tapped him on the shoulder to regain his attention.

Grimn's skin matched the walls. It was stretched so thin over his body, one got the impression they were talking to a badly wrapped skeleteon. But his eyes weren't the round cartoony eyes of a novelty skeleton; they were almost elipses, red with exhaust and dark with hate. His clothes all had tears. Grimn did not look alive. Some would argue he was not, not now or ever.

Despite this, Grimn was always cheerful to the child he cared for. Day after day he would impart messages to him.

The child had not seen the light of day or any other living souls in quite some time. Grimn's rotting visage was almost normal to him.

"I want to tell you about the most important person in the world to you," Grimn rasped as he put an arm around the child's neck.

The child new how this ended for he had heard it before. But he let Grimn continue. He had no choice.

"This is the one that will always love you. They will listen to your problems and go to any lengths to assist. They shall never betray you," Grim grinned even wider as the boy shuffled his shoe on the ground in anticipation of the identity of this sacred soul.

He knew who it was... but when you do something so often it becomes routine you no longer question it. It becomes another rule in the game of the life. Weak hearted people like the boy NEVER question the rules. Well, perhaps the boy had once. But he had learned from his ordeals. So he would ask who it was when he was cued to. He would feign curiousity.

"This wonderful being shall be both companion and guide. They will cherish your presence. They will have the answers to what you ponder," Grimn coughed up a little black tar and pulled the boy closer.

The boy thought of running. But you can only run so far.

"Do you know," Grimn breathed in a few shallow angry breaths, "who this is?"

"Who..." the boy felt a glimmer of a tear at the bottom of his throat, but it would not reach his eye. He had lost the ability to cry when he had surrendered to Judas and agreed to live locked deep inside the prison.

The boy was hope. Compassion. Understanding. Grimn was his cellmate. Grimn was rage. Smarmy superiority. Those urges most will not admit they have ran through Grimn like current through powerlines.

And they were cellmates. In a room, dusty and damp, located far inside a vessel running on autopilot a good deal of the time. There was nowhere to go. There never was. Never would be.

"Who is it?" asked the child as he tensed up.

"No one," Grimn said as he snapped the child's neck. Grimn stepped back and with a thud the boy hit the floor. "You will always be alone. That is simply how it was meant to be."

But he did not die. He was a collection of scars inside a walking tribulation. Just one sand in an hourglass. They had done this before. this was one of Grimn's nicer speeches. One of his shorter ones as well.

There seemed to be no escape. Someday there would be. An escape into nothing, oblivion, is what the boy hoped for.

Grimn contended they had earned their way into a never ending baptism by fire. That the pain was only beginning.

The boy sat up, with a hint of defiance in his eyes. Grimn laughed, and the boy looked down.

The boy put his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. With more shame than rage he asked, "But what about the one who walks in my place? What about he (who some of the foolish even call my name)?"

But the child knew Grimn would have an answer. Grimn always had an answer.

Grimn pulled a creaky rocking chair to the center of the room and sat. His smile grew wider. So wide the boy feared Grimn's cheeks would tear and maggots would rain down, scriggling and oozing with what Grimn must be made of.

"Oh heavens. How elegant an inquisition! Do you not understand his gift? No matter where he goes, what he says, who he is with... Judas is alone."

Grimn rocked back and forth.

"To know no matter how many surround you, or what pleasantries they shower, that he is alone... Judas has been blessed. Oh, he is weak. He is ignorant. Like you. But you never gave up until too tired to fight. You believed in people. He sees them for what they are. A space temporarily filled. Soon to be emptied, filled again, and emptied again. You enjoy needing. Being needed. He regrets it. And wallows in a sense of sollitude and anger. Like me. Oh how marvelous your life if you could have been like me... what times you could have had! Instead, Judas lives in your place. 'What fools these mortals be' indeed."

The child layed his head down in a sleepless rest. The room was dark. Grimn was reality.

The dream has ended. You may wake now.









[A dollar a sigh
As slowly we die
But some
Quicker than others.]
J. Kyle in the last stanza of "Definition of a Muse"
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Cast in the Name of God
Ye Not Guilty
PostWed Jul 23, 2003 10:52 pm
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John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo

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Joined: Nov 13, 2002
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Hey--that was pretty good. I'll have to try to one up you, but it won't get that good for a few more chapters...
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PostThu Jul 24, 2003 12:07 am
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Daikun

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Joined: Nov 02, 2002
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HUH?
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Toonami visual schedule - UPDATED AUGUST 2, 2015
PostThu Jul 24, 2003 1:21 am
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John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo

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Huh? To whom? Me or him? I thought it was a great prologue to a story. I'll post the prologue to one of mine, as soon as I make contemporary edits (every time I submit something, I find I've left out a clarifying detail, or that my skill as a writer has improved, so I have to make changes).
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PostThu Jul 24, 2003 11:19 am
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John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo

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Oh, the poll. I picked the best of the options, but again, ver much enjoyed it. And since yu get to show off, so do I. I'd like to see people's inputs and edits. And no questions about what it's about, as that's what we get to find out over the next few chapters.
______________

Working draft: version 2
Prologue
“Do you think they’ll ever find out, Sam?”
“Find out? How? We’ve covered every contingency. As far as she, or anyone but us is concerned, she’s normal—that is, until they’re needed.”
“But… it doesn’t seem ethical. Isn’t that why there’s so many laws against this?”
“Ethical? You, a man of pure science, would raise the question of ethics. How did you come to such outdated thinking? We are trying to save our home—our world. Isn’t that enough of a moral purpose for anyone? And the law is years behind its time. It will be amended as soon as our work is seen for its value. And if we’re real lucky, it won’t even have to.”
“But it’s not by their choice. It’s not voluntary. You and I knew what we signed up for when we started the project, but they’ll come into life with all of these obligations; they’ll never get to lead the life that they choose. And what if these genes we alter change something else? She could be born mentally deficient. We’ve seen double keys with the mice.”
“Better they be deprived of their choice than millions losing their freedom. Or lives. And I am aware of what genes we’re meddling with. And I’m certain they’ll be at least, if not more brilliant as their parents. All of them.”
“You only know that because you’re making them smarter as well. We don’t need them to be smart.”
“We’ll need every edge we can get. Trust me on this. And besides, I’ve already made the genetic modifications and delivered the eggs to the clinics. Or work will be implanted in dozens of mothers by the end of the week, and we only need one. No one will be the wiser.”
“But… it isn’t right. We’re taking her freedom aw-”
“Shh- do you hear that?” Sam interrupted, lowering his voice. “Check the window.”
“Choppers—three,” the assistant whispered back, closing the room’s only window. “I can’t make out the markings.”
“Probably ours. Narrow-minded fools. I suppose this is the end. We won’t get to see our work though fruitation—at least not on this side of a jail cell, but someone will carry on our work.”
“They’re pointing guns at us…” the assistant said, fingers parting two blinds.
“It’s just a formality—they probably have to threaten us. It lets us know they mean business. Let’s go outside and meet th-”
“Duck!”
Lines of bullets rammed through the one-room research lab, a river of gray metal. Beakers and test tubes shattered, liquids spilled, terabytes of data were stolen from the damaged hard disks of computers. Many of the spilled chemicals caught ablaze. The sound of bullets didn’t stop until the fire had consumed several counters and the room’s central table.
Samuel slumped onto the cement floor amidst piles of glass shards, clutching his abdomen as his left leg emptied the blood from his veins. He looked over at his assistant. Dead. The stupid kid should’ve ducked himself. Instead he got a 30mm hole through his skull. Stupid kid. As he faded form consciousness, only one thought passed through his head. Is it ethical? Something he’d been trying to answer himself half his life.
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Last edited by John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo on Fri Jul 25, 2003 1:21 pm; edited 1 time in total
PostThu Jul 24, 2003 11:02 pm
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counterparadox

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2 things Bono. First, in the first line you say "Do you think they'll find out" and in the next you say "Figure it out?!" The 2 don't really match. If one is find out, the other should be find out. If one is figure out, the other should be figure out. They're 2 different things.

Also, while I know it's just the prologue (and I should'vt guessed that any prolonged story you right would be about genetics and ethics ^_^) it's not exceptionally clear who's talking and when. We know the doctor is Samuel, a perfectly generic name for a perfectly insane man, and he has a young assistant who questions him. Parts just don't seem clear. But maybe it's me.

As for Jkyle, that was pretty damn cool. I'm impressed, I really am. It's a little confusing. And when you say things along hte line of "The boy is hope, Grimn is rage" it's kind of as if you're giving hte audience too much? Maybe this is just me, but mayhaps you should allow the audience to draw conclusions for themselves.
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PostFri Jul 25, 2003 8:36 am
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John_Bono_Smithy_Satchmo

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Thanks for pointing that out--I'll make that first fix right away, but the second won't be done until draft 3.
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PostFri Jul 25, 2003 1:20 pm
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counterparadox

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MUCH better. Me = pleased ^_^
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Play City of Heroes/Villians? Look me up, Pinnacle server, @C Paradox
PostFri Jul 25, 2003 3:06 pm
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JKyle

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Joined: Jan 21, 2003
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counterparadox wrote:
As for Jkyle, that was pretty damn cool. I'm impressed, I really am. It's a little confusing. And when you say things along hte line of "The boy is hope, Grimn is rage" it's kind of as if you're giving hte audience too much? Maybe this is just me, but mayhaps you should allow the audience to draw conclusions for themselves.
I guess I'm just too fond of anthropomorphic poetry. I am giving too much away. Show not tell, I know. But seeing as how I wrote that after having no sleep for 60 hours I'm proud it's THAT clear.
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Ye Not Guilty
PostSat Jul 26, 2003 6:50 am
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